Have you encountered a difficult person at work? And have you struggled with anger that threatens to harden into resentment?
I have.
As a business owner, I have the privilege of choosing my team and clients. But that freedom occasionally comes with unexpected bumps. In those instances, frustration can undermine my joy and productivity.
That’s why I cherish the dedication page in Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace by Mary A. Pérez. As a nonfiction publisher, I get a front-row seat to the lives and insights of others, including that of Mary. Her dedication to her mother illustrates how to deal with difficult people.
If you haven’t read it, Running in Heels is a true story of survival and forgiveness against all odds. It’s a promise of hope for anyone abandoned as a child, for anyone who woke up hungry and went to bed hungrier every day, and for every wife who has loved a husband who left bruises on her heart and her body.
After reading her story, I was struck by Mary’s dedication:
“To Mama, in wanting to be better, do better, and become wiser, I realized that I had a lot to learn and am not without my own share of flaws. You did the best you knew to do. It can’t be all bad—just look at me now. I love you then, I love you now. Forever your little girl.”
From her words flow love and forgiveness. When I consider the ways Mary suffered from her mother’s choices, I find her words incredible. 
The dedication illustrates five practical ways to deal with difficult people.
Give the benefit of the doubt.
Mary says about her mother, “You did the best you knew to do.”
The world around us applauds anger and stirs strife. But James 1:19 says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Consider others’ experiences, perspectives, fears, and desires.
Mary told me, “My mother was child-like, both mentally and emotionally. Our roles have always been reversed. . . My mother loved me in her own way.”
We do well when we show others the same patience and understanding that we receive ourselves.
Recognize your own shortcomings.
Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
As difficult as others can be, we each fail in our own – albeit different – ways.
Mary said, “The writing process was humbling. It was easy to write about my mother during the years when I was a child. However, the writing became harder as I wrote about my teenage years. That’s when I started making my own choices – and my own mistakes. . . I don’t have the answers to it all.”
Guard what you say.
Mary said, “When my mother first found out that I’d be writing my autobiography, she asked, ‘Will you blame me for everything?’ I told her, ‘No. No, I will not.’ You see, this was never about airing our dirty laundry. There’s no value in bitterness.”
It’s tempting to speak poorly of others, but God’s Word calls us to control our tongues. 1 Peter 3:9 says, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
In honoring her mother with her words, Mary honors her God.
Be thankful.
Mary says in her dedication, “It can’t be all bad—just look at me now.” She understands that her hardships shaped who she is today.
It can seem impossible to give thanks for difficult people and situations. But 1 Thessalonians 5 calls us to do just that: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
When we express gratitude to God for the difficult people in our lives, we open ourselves to be shaped by Him. He may teach us to lay down our pride and learn from our mistakes. He may show us that we need to protect our businesses better, have crucial conversations with our team, or meet our clients’ needs in new ways. Through difficult people, He can help us become more like Christ.
Pray daily for forgiveness.
“When I began writing,” Mary said, “I had already reached a point of healing and forgiveness. It took work, but that’s the only reason I was able to put my raw memories to paper – especially those memories that had me sobbing. I couldn’t have written them without inner healing.”
Mary’s dedication is touching because it is rooted in forgiveness.
Jesus modeled the process of forgiveness in Matthew 6:12. He prayed to God, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtor.” It takes daily prayer and help from our Father.
Ultimately, Mary’s forgiveness is more than a happy ending. It’s her legacy.
“My mother loves my book,” she said. “She’s very proud of me.”
When facing difficult people, let Mary’s story inspire you. Give them the benefit of the doubt, recognize your own shortcomings, guard what you say, be grateful, and pray for forgiveness. With the help of God, we can honor others, even when they’re difficult. And we can leave a workplace legacy that we’re proud of.
Ella Ritchie is an Unconventional Business Network forum leader, regular guest blogger, and founder of Stellar Communications Houston, a nonfiction book publishing and marketing team for self-published authors, business leaders, families, and nonprofits. She enjoys ministering with her husband as adult Bible study leaders and DivorceCare facilitators and spending time with their four children – and two new grandchildren!
