I am so excited to bring you our first guest blogger, Kristin Herman. It was never my desire to be the only voice in the UB Women blog, but for us to hear from many women, from many professions, and different states or even countries. Launching something new always takes time. And patience. Both of which I often feel short on. But today is the day we start adding content from smart and authentic souls, and I am thankful.

Be watching for more blogs from more women like you. And when God lays a message on your heart, let me know!

What if one of the greatest gifts we could give to our loved ones (including ourselves) is to not only make peace with our neediness but to embrace it?

As a working mom with three young kids, wearing multiple hats at all times seems like a necessary survival mechanism to get through any given day. I imagine you, too, as a woman in the workplace, have become accustomed to spinning two or three or five plates simultaneously. And while it’s a gift to be able to do a lot of things “well,” the old adage rings true: an overextended strength can often become a weakness.

Along my journey towards inner healing (does that journey ever end?), I see that I was praised for overachieving as a child, and I find myself still seeking that applause today. Whether in the workplace, the home, or in friendships, the desire for significance (or maybe for you, it’s security or justice) is not in and of itself bad, but where we find it can be an issue.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” And who could be busier than working moms? I can receive acts of service all day long if I don’t need to ask for it. For me, there’s nothing quite like walking into a sparkling kitchen where I can see the bottom of the sink without having lifted a finger to put a single dish in the dishwasher. But asking for help is an entirely different story for me. I never wished my husband could read my mind more!

I encourage my friends, kids, and husband to make their needs known, but I have a hard time doing it myself. But this often ends up with me becoming

increasingly drained and short-fused. So therein lies the question: Why is it so hard to ask for help?

In wrestling to find the answer to my question, a memory of a conversation with my friends replays in my mind from when I was 12 years old. I declared I would be a “fun mom” and that my kids would love me because I would let them do more of what they wanted to do. I had envisioned being this Super Mom who was laid back and cool and everyone’s hero. If only life (and toddler temper tantrums) didn’t get in the way of my grand ambitions!

And then, one day, it dawned on me, probably after I had flipped my lid at one of my kids -again – that it’s actually selfish and harmful to my kids for me to be so concerned about what they think of me. Ultimately, my job is to point them to our Savior, which means it’s ok not to be everything for everyone. Let me say that again: It’s ok to let people down and even disappoint them.

After all, they say boredom is the birthplace of creativity. So rather than it being a reflection of us as a “poor” parent/colleague/boss/friend/spouse when we drop the ball, what if we viewed it as an opportunity for those around us to take ownership, learn patience, and seek joy in the messiness and waiting?

I don’t have to be everyone’s hero. What freedom and peace that perspective is bringing me! I can do my best and let go of the reins, and when I fall short of my ambitions, I get to point others to the real Savior in my neediness. What greater gift could I give? Maybe neediness IS my gift!

So, for you today, what do you need to let go of? What do you need to do to step into that place of surrender? What would it cost you? And more importantly, what would you gain?

 

Married to her best friend and mama to three little cuties, Kristin Herman is passionate and wholehearted. With time, with love, with truth, with wealth, with life, she’s living by design – and inspiring others to do the same. She is a Certified Financial Planner®, tennis and coffee enthusiast, and one who cares deeply about helping others expand their hearts and their finances. You can reach Kristin directly at www.kristin-herman.com or kristin.herman@nm.com.